Let me clarify first, I have no experience marrying a divorcee Indian lady. I am a divorcee Native American (we were called American Indians, when I was growing up). But I'm not yet remarried either. Some caveats: I can't speak for all divorcees, nor all Native women either. And this advice isn't limited to folks who are interested in divorcees. If you've never been married, check to see that you have realistic expectations about what marriage is. Where did you get the messages ? Are they helpful or harmful? Also, make sure your communication skills are TOP NOTCH. There's no shame in getting help from a couples counselor or therapist early on if you need it - it's like getting a tune up on your car and can be really worth the money. No marriage is like a Hollywood movie with fairy tale endings. There will be problems and disappointments. If you notice resentment building, figure out where it comes from and work through it. Don't let it build up. If you let it and the dam finally breaks, it's going to suck. If you are marrying a divorcee (and especially if she has kids), she may also have an ex-husband in the picture. Hopefully that relationship is respectful and focused on the common good for the kids, and not using the kids to get back at each other. You may need to be emotionally supportive to her if it's not. And if there are kids, be kind and compassionate to them. Those are just a few thoughts. I?m not sure if that's what you wanted from me but it's the best I could do at answering your question.
Let me clarify first, I have no experience marrying a divorcee Indian lady. I am a divorcee Native American (we were called American Indians, when I was growing up). But I'm not yet remarried either. Some caveats: I can't speak for all divorcees, nor all Native women either. And this advice isn't limited to folks who are interested in divorcees. If you've never been married, check to see that you have realistic expectations about what marriage is. Where did you get the messages ? Are they helpful or harmful? Also, make sure your communication skills are TOP NOTCH. There's no shame in getting help from a couples counselor or therapist early on if you need it - it's like getting a tune up on your car and can be really worth the money. No marriage is like a Hollywood movie with fairy tale endings. There will be problems and disappointments. If you notice resentment building, figure out where it comes from and work through it. Don't let it build up. If you let it and the dam finally breaks, it's going to suck. If you are marrying a divorcee (and especially if she has kids), she may also have an ex-husband in the picture. Hopefully that relationship is respectful and focused on the common good for the kids, and not using the kids to get back at each other. You may need to be emotionally supportive to her if it's not. And if there are kids, be kind and compassionate to them. Those are just a few thoughts. I?m not sure if that's what you wanted from me but it's the best I could do at answering your question.
OH YES! And finding her happiness is good for her child too.
It'll be rough at times. I'm not gonna lie. There is so much to explore about yourself in that post divorce time! And it's all about YOU and your pleasure/interests.
Hopefully, you have help; you may need time or space to figure out what you like so if you have a very reliable babysitter who is like family, even better
OH YES! And finding her happiness is good for her child too.
It'll be rough at times. I'm not gonna lie. There is so much to explore about yourself in that post divorce time! And it's all about YOU and your pleasure/interests.
Hopefully, you have help; you may need time or space to figure out what you like so if you have a very reliable babysitter who is like family, even better
I sold it, but I got almost nothing for it compared to the appraised value.
In hindsight, I would've disassembled the ring, melted gold, and reuse the pieces working with a designer to create something new. Or perhaps make something for my daughters out of those pieces.
Next time around, knowing what I know about diamond resale value now, I'm not looking for a diamond engagement/wedding ring. The sentiment is nice but in reality it's rather a waste of money.
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I sold it, but I got almost nothing for it compared to the appraised value.
In hindsight, I would've disassembled the ring, melted gold, and reuse the pieces working with a designer to create something new. Or perhaps make something for my daughters out of those pieces.
Next time around, knowing what I know about diamond resale value now, I'm not looking for a diamond engagement/wedding ring. The sentiment is nice but in reality it's rather a waste of money.
286 views ? View Upvoters ? Answer requ
Oh honey. Asking how to make a divorced man marry you is just about the saddest thing I've read.
It seems lots of people - regardless of gender - fear commitment to some extent after divorce. Probably more so if their experience was a bad one. Give them time to heal.
Also, don't try to make anyone do anything. If they wake up? they will likely resent you for forcing their hand.
Oh honey. Asking how to make a divorced man marry you is just about the saddest thing I've read.
It seems lots of people - regardless of gender - fear commitment to some extent after divorce. Probably more so if their experience was a bad one. Give them time to heal.
Also, don't try to make anyone do anything. If they wake up? they will likely resent you for forcing their hand.
Thx for the A2A.
I notice your use of the phrasing ?walk out the door?. That makes it sound as if it's a super easy decision. I can tell you from experience that it was not as easy as that.
Lemme ask you this first: Are you friends with all of the people you were friends with in grade school? Chances are you aren't. Why is that? It may be because you grew apart. That happens in adult relationships too.
Or people let things go unsaid for way too long and resentment builds up. This one stemmed from poor communication skills for my case.
For my part, when I got married in my 20's, I wanted to be the low maintenance wife. I even got praised by my then-husband because he didn't have anything to say when the guys got together and complained about their wives. I went along with everything HE wanted. It took a loooong ass time but when I finally started to wake up and want things, I got serious push back. I was told to get over yourself, figure out your shit, and get back to your marital obligations? - direct quote. That basically sealed it for me.
So you see, instead of asking why people can just ?walk out the door forever?, maybe ask ?what happened - would you like to talk about it?? And LISTEN to what they have to say.
You could also ask yourself when the first time was that you got that impression about divorce. I find those messages tend to be a voice of someone influential to me when I was young. (A tangential illustration of that point: when I was very young I remember my mom HATED Cher. Guess what? I did too. Until one day I got older and questioned why I hated someone who had not done anything to me yet brought joy to others.)
There are so many many reasons why people choose to end a marriage. It's heart-, gut-, and emotion-wrenching and not as easy as walking out the door. Listening to others without passing judgement can give a sense for that.
Thx for the A2A.
I notice your use of the phrasing ?walk out the door?. That makes it sound as if it's a super easy decision. I can tell you from experience that it was not as easy as that.
Lemme ask you this first: Are you friends with all of the people you were friends with in grade school? Chances are you aren't. Why is that? It may be because you grew apart. That happens in adult relationships too.
Or people let things go unsaid for way too long and resentment builds up. This one stemmed from poor communication skills for my case.
For my part, when I got married in my 20's, I wanted to be the low maintenance wife. I even got praised by my then-husband because he didn't have anything to say when the guys got together and complained about their wives. I went along with everything HE wanted. It took a loooong ass time but when I finally started to wake up and want things, I got serious push back. I was told to get over yourself, figure out your shit, and get back to your marital obligations? - direct quote. That basically sealed it for me.
So you see, instead of asking why people can just ?walk out the door forever?, maybe ask ?what happened - would you like to talk about it?? And LISTEN to what they have to say.
You could also ask yourself when the first time was that you got that impression about divorce. I find those messages tend to be a voice of someone influential to me when I was young. (A tangential illustration of that point: when I was very young I remember my mom HATED Cher. Guess what? I did too. Until one day I got older and questioned why I hated someone who had not done anything to me yet brought joy to others.)
There are so many many reasons why people choose to end a marriage. It's heart-, gut-, and emotion-wrenching and not as easy as walking out the door. Listening to others without passing judgement can give a sense for that.
Thank you for the A2A
Looks like you need to set up a boundary.
Kindly but firmly thank her for her concern but your relationship with your new husband is not up for discussion.
If you are curious about her concern, you could ask her for the evidence she has that brings her to that conclusion. But if there is nothing tangible or actionable, again thank her and set the boundary that this is not up for discussion.
She will always think her son is the best. No other guy is going to be better.
Thank you for the A2A
Looks like you need to set up a boundary.
Kindly but firmly thank her for her concern but your relationship with your new husband is not up for discussion.
If you are curious about her concern, you could ask her for the evidence she has that brings her to that conclusion. But if there is nothing tangible or actionable, again thank her and set the boundary that this is not up for discussion.
She will always think her son is the best. No other guy is going to be better.
As a general rule, I don't keep track of my numbers. They tend to provoke some folks to use it against the person in some form of shame. I will say, though the number of people I dated seriously (meaning, I eventually introduced to my children) in the time since my divorce in 2010 has been less than 5.
I met the Love of my Life on Match.
This is him:
(Isn't he adorable?!)
We spent a lot of time together going on dates and I found myself really wanting to spend all of my free time with him.
Are you asking this question to find numbers to compare yourself to Your numbers are probably going to be different from mine and that's okay! Just relax. Have fun. Don't put any pressure on yourself or the people you date. Use this time to get clear on what YOU want in a partner. And focus on making friends, who maybe become lovers if you find you have lots in common or really like spending time together. (I have a workbook coming soon on my website called Create Your Own Users Manual that will walk folks through some steps to get clear on what you're looking for.)
One tip I will add. A couple of the guys I dated were separated (really separated. Not just saying they were and cheating like some guys like to do). The work yet to do while getting separated was ugh? just like mine and brought up lots of stuff for each of us. Clearly I didn't learn my lesson with the first person but learned loud and clear with the second. I got to a point that I wouldn't even consider a date with someone who wasn't at least 3 years out of a divorce.
As a general rule, I don't keep track of my numbers. They tend to provoke some folks to use it against the person in some form of shame. I will say, though the number of people I dated seriously (meaning, I eventually introduced to my children) in the time since my divorce in 2010 has been less than 5.
I met the Love of my Life on Match.
This is him:
(Isn't he adorable?!)
We spent a lot of time together going on dates and I found myself really wanting to spend all of my free time with him.
Are you asking this question to find numbers to compare yourself to Your numbers are probably going to be different from mine and that's okay! Just relax. Have fun. Don't put any pressure on yourself or the people you date. Use this time to get clear on what YOU want in a partner. And focus on making friends, who maybe become lovers if you find you have lots in common or really like spending time together. (I have a workbook coming soon on my website called Create Your Own Users Manual that will walk folks through some steps to get clear on what you're looking for.)
One tip I will add. A couple of the guys I dated were separated (really separated. Not just saying they were and cheating like some guys like to do). The work yet to do while getting separated was ugh? just like mine and brought up lots of stuff for each of us. Clearly I didn't learn my lesson with the first person but learned loud and clear with the second. I got to a point that I wouldn't even consider a date with someone who wasn't at least 3 years out of a divorce.
Don't worry about how much you masturbate at this point. Masturbation is a form of self soothing. It feels good, right. And it sounds like right now you're mourning the loss. So forgive the ourself a bit. And I hear you that Porn can be expensive- You could change it up by reading erotica or finding an adult magazine or two that suits you instead.
I would encourage you to find activities that get you out of the house and doing other things you enjoy. Movies,Books, Dinner out with your friends. Hiking in nature, Take a class. It's okay to ask for some company from your friends. If you're recently divorced they might not know how they could help you through this. Ask them for suggestions of things to do too. I'm sure there are many other things you can do with your time that may also serve to help you get her off your mind.
Of course you're afraid to be in love again. You hurt your heart. Just know that it does get better with time - you'll just need to take some inspired action in the meantime to start focusing on something else for a while.
Don't worry about how much you masturbate at this point. Masturbation is a form of self soothing. It feels good, right. And it sounds like right now you're mourning the loss. So forgive the ourself a bit. And I hear you that Porn can be expensive- You could change it up by reading erotica or finding an adult magazine or two that suits you instead.
I would encourage you to find activities that get you out of the house and doing other things you enjoy. Movies,Books, Dinner out with your friends. Hiking in nature, Take a class. It's okay to ask for some company from your friends. If you're recently divorced they might not know how they could help you through this. Ask them for suggestions of things to do too. I'm sure there are many other things you can do with your time that may also serve to help you get her off your mind.
Of course you're afraid to be in love again. You hurt your heart. Just know that it does get better with time - you'll just need to take some inspired action in the meantime to start focusing on something else for a while.
I'll let you know. My first daughter goes to university in a couple years
I'll let you know. My first daughter goes to university in a couple years
Thank you for the A2A
Too many exes in this question, I can't understand who you mean.
So your ex got together with the person who was the catalyst for your divorce? And his family welcomes that new person? It seems like you?re expecting loyalty from your ex's family? You couldn't get loyalty from them, why expect it from the family??
Move on with your life and send them away from you with blessings (that you never have to deal with them again). And attend to that anger that seems to still be simmering. It won't serve you to keep that anger
Thank you for the A2A
Too many exes in this question, I can't understand who you mean.
So your ex got together with the person who was the catalyst for your divorce? And his family welcomes that new person? It seems like you?re expecting loyalty from your ex's family? You couldn't get loyalty from them, why expect it from the family??
Move on with your life and send them away from you with blessings (that you never have to deal with them again). And attend to that anger that seems to still be simmering. It won't serve you to keep that anger