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love Question & Answer


Don't worry about how much you masturbate at this point. Masturbation is a form of self soothing. It feels good, right. And it sounds like right now you're mourning the loss. So forgive the ourself a bit. And I hear you that Porn can be expensive- You could change it up by reading erotica or finding an adult magazine or two that suits you instead.I would encourage you to find activities that get you out of the house and doing other things you enjoy. Movies,Books, Dinner out with your friends. Hiking in nature, Take a class. It's okay to ask for some company from your friends. If you're recently divorced they might not know how they could help you through this. Ask them for suggestions of things to do too. I'm sure there are many other things you can do with your time that may also serve to help you get her off your mind.Of course you're afraid to be in love again. You hurt your heart. Just know that it does get better with time - you'll just need to take some inspired action in the meantime to start focusing on something else for a while....
Published Date : 10/17/2018

Eh, forget that guy.Why is he mad? He's just bitter because you won't have sex with him, and he assumes that if you liked him you'd be more likely to have sex with him.He could also be saying he's mad to manipulate you to have sex with him, playing on a notion that you wouldn't want to make him mad at you. (See how screwed up that is??) A manipulation, pure and simple.Fuck that guy (but not literally)....
Published Date : 10/24/2019

Thank you for the A2AHow did you show your spouse love back on Day 1? Were there rituals or significant methods you used to demonstrate your love?It's recently been exposed as rather churchy, but if you're so inclined the five love languages is a great way to figure out the language your spouse recognizes as loving. Take the test together for Fun and then learn if you speak each other's language. I know the language I express is sometimes different than the language I feel and recognize so pay attention to that too.Congratulations on 35 years! Here's to many more. *cheers*...
Published Date : 6/20/2019

Relax. There could be any reason he said thank you. At least he's appreciative. Screaming and running away from you would have been worse. I'm sure it took him by surprise. Besides, even Han Solo messed up that response with Princess Leia the first time. Let me share a little story: This actually happened to me with a guy I was dating once. I told him that I thought I was falling in love with him - of course lots of alcohol was involved. He said, hmm. I was kicking myself! Omg. What did I say? I ruined it! But at the same time I was saying to myself, you know what? That is really how I feel. If he can't handle me speaking truthfully then he's not the one for me. I called him to the next morning to explain: it was less .I want to get engaged and get married and more. I can see spending a lot more time with you. He thanked me for the clarification. He told me that the woman he'd recently dated gave him an ultimatum and he wasn't ready to commit just yet. We kept in contact, but weren't dating. We developed a friendship over time. Six months later, after we'd both dated other people, we decided to start spending more time together. Well, I started inviting him to join me to a bunch of events with me and my friends and he accepted. He jokes that I filled up his social calendar. Eventually, one night he said to me, you know I love you. He wasn't used to saying, I love you and this was his way of saying it. It's now been about 5 years and we are still together. And we do say I love you to each other daily now. I'm not saying your situation will end up like this but I want to illustrate that I didn't beat myself up about it. You shouldn't either. I understand how it feels like rejection and that sucks. Give yourself credit for putting your feelings out there. If he is mean in any way to you as a result of you sharing this vulnerability, then f*ck that guy. (But not literally. He doesn?t deserve you for sure!) Trust me that someone who is capable of a healthy relationship can and will reciprocate your feelings when the time is right. Take this time to examine for yourself what love is. What does it mean to you? Is it conditional? Unconditional? How do you show up in the relationship? How does he? What are your models for loving relationships? Are they healthy examples (for example, the movie Twilight has some messed up examples and probably shouldn?t be your model). In the classes I teach when we talk about love, we talk about concepts like proximity (as physical closeness, not sexual closeness), similarity (having similar goals and aspirations), physical attractiveness, and reciprocity (doing nice things for each other, that's it's not just one sided). We also talk about Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love - Intimacy, Passion, Committment, and Consummate Love. Google it and see where you would put yourself. Again, try not to stress out. Just breathe. And notice that what you fell in love with in him is probably a part of you that you can love too. ...
Published Date : 7/6/2018

Sure but I'm not sure why he'd put the effort into a relationship with a MARRIED woman with kids. If she's married and they do not have an open relationship (where dating the man on the outside would be acceptable) then it's kind of a waste of his time.Why doesn't he focus on dating people who are available? or does he pursue an already committed relationship so she's not entirely available? Or does he think his perceived value hangs on winning her over?If your question was, can a single guy fall in love with a divorced woman with kids? I'd say absolutely. My partner and I are very much in love and he was single and I was divorced with kids when we met....
Published Date : 10/30/2018

Yes.(One side note before I dive in: I steer clear of using the euphemism being intimate with? when I really mean had sex with?. Mainly because I don't want to dilute the importance of the actual word intimacy?. I took a bit of my definition from Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love; feelings of deep affection, closeness, and bondedness in loving relationships and you like spending time with the person.)I have a few people I'm like that with.But it happened much later in my life and these were grownup relationships. I'm not sure I would have had the emotional and relational maturity to even begins to know how to do the same when I was much younger....
Published Date : 11/3/2019

They can.But it doesn't have to be that way. It would be important to check in about each of your expectations in a marriage before you get married. Then you can gauge where things can go from there....
Published Date : 10/16/2018

Calling it a high body count is probably more likely to make a rough future for dating and marriage. Those are people, not just bodies or objects you had sex with.A person's past is only is an issue if you or the other person makes it one.Does it need to be No. Is it even relevant? No, not really. Certainly not, as long as they have been taking care of their sexual health (and by extension, the sexual health of their partners) by getting tested and, if necessary, treated for STIs often. ...
Published Date : 2/20/2020

How can a couple be independent yet maintain a healthy, loving and balanced commitment??It seems from your question that you think those things may somehow be opposing intents. I actually think that independence is part of the definition of a healthy, loving and balanced relationship.But first, I'd like to ask what specific actions make the two of you independent in your definition? What exactly are you doing independently? Having your own hobbies and interests? One of you likes sailing while the other likes book clubs? It's not necessary for couples to do everything together.Having some shared common interests is nice, sure. But not every waking moment needs to be spent in perfect harmony?. That is perhaps what attracted you two together in the first place, no? You had a life but wanted the other to be part of it too. It certainly doesn't mean giving up yourself or who you are to be with this person. There's still some mystery to them.(That doing everything with him? was what I did in my marriage. It didn't yield a good result for me in the long run because I built up some resentment. I wanted to find who I was again and I didn't see my partner supporting that).I think friendship, respect, independence, and communication is what holds you together through everything....
Published Date : 5/23/2019

Thank you for the A2A10 years? 35 years? It?s similar and I wrote about it here too: Lanae St.John's answer to After 35 years how do I show my spouse that I still feel the same love that I did on day 1?...
Published Date : 7/9/2019

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