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love Question & Answer


(Why do you think it's weird? Did someone tell you it was? I'm curious which one you're talking about now, to be honest. There are plenty of people who like things others don't but it doesn't make them weird.)

I like to use situations outside of the bedroom to start the conversation. For example, if I were into furries, otherkin, or another type of fetish, I might start a conversation using an article in the news or a post that shows up in social media. Ideally, the person will be curious and free of judgmental bias. Then we can start an interesting conversation. Maybe they'll be excited to learn something new. Perhaps even join you to give it a try themselves.

If their attitude is shitty and judgmental then those are not your people.


Published Date : 9/27/2018

(Why do you think it's weird? Did someone tell you it was? I'm curious which one you're talking about now, to be honest. There are plenty of people who like things others don't but it doesn't make them weird.)

I like to use situations outside of the bedroom to start the conversation. For example, if I were into furries, otherkin, or another type of fetish, I might start a conversation using an article in the news or a post that shows up in social media. Ideally, the person will be curious and free of judgmental bias. Then we can start an interesting conversation. Maybe they'll be excited to learn something new. Perhaps even join you to give it a try themselves.

If their attitude is shitty and judgmental then those are not your people.


Published Date : 9/27/2018

There's a difference in my mind between private and secret. I think of a secret as a thing I'm withholding from someone. Secrets might hurt their feelings.

I find that you discover each other's full history as you spend more time together. You don't have to dump all of your baggage at once. I do think that if you have the right partner, someone who is caring /compassionate, then you can tell them the messy things about you and they are still going to love you.

How is that possible??

Is that the question that pops into your head now? Growing up with controlling or judgmental parents can make a person scared to share. Love felt conditional so it's tough to know how unconditional love feels.

it's possible I don't understand your question. Perhaps there's something more that you mean by knowing your beloved's whole history. If you mean their sexual history, it?s not for them or you to judge really. The past is the past. The only thing that matters is now and how you treat each other going forward.

And what does that look like?


Published Date : 1/31/2020

There's a difference in my mind between private and secret. I think of a secret as a thing I'm withholding from someone. Secrets might hurt their feelings.

I find that you discover each other's full history as you spend more time together. You don't have to dump all of your baggage at once. I do think that if you have the right partner, someone who is caring /compassionate, then you can tell them the messy things about you and they are still going to love you.

How is that possible??

Is that the question that pops into your head now? Growing up with controlling or judgmental parents can make a person scared to share. Love felt conditional so it's tough to know how unconditional love feels.

it's possible I don't understand your question. Perhaps there's something more that you mean by knowing your beloved's whole history. If you mean their sexual history, it?s not for them or you to judge really. The past is the past. The only thing that matters is now and how you treat each other going forward.

And what does that look like?


Published Date : 1/31/2020

I'm okay with that so long as it's not the same individual woman all the time and things don't progress into interaction with that woman IRL.

I cannot control who he thinks about and making it taboo for him to think of others makes actually thinking of others that much more of a thrill.

I'd expect that if my bf or husband wanted to take things to a real-world interaction with another woman that we'd have a conversation first. Talking first just seems respectful if we've been in a committed, monogamous relationship up to that point.


Published Date : 11/21/2018

I'm okay with that so long as it's not the same individual woman all the time and things don't progress into interaction with that woman IRL.

I cannot control who he thinks about and making it taboo for him to think of others makes actually thinking of others that much more of a thrill.

I'd expect that if my bf or husband wanted to take things to a real-world interaction with another woman that we'd have a conversation first. Talking first just seems respectful if we've been in a committed, monogamous relationship up to that point.


Published Date : 11/21/2018

How does it feel to go to multiple marriages for the same person?? Do you intend to ask how does it feel to get married multiple times? Or do you mean to marry, divorce, and remarry your ex-spouse once again?

To answer the former, i guess it depends upon the person and the experience they bring to the marriage.

For me (and I've only been married/divorced once), I'm planning to take what i learned in the first marriage, try not to repeat my own mistakes, speak up more often, and pay attention to items I used to let build up as resentments.

So far, the relationship I'm in now is my best ever. It's like the divorce and subsequent therapy allowed me to level up?.

To answer the latter, people do it. I don't know any statistics to show if it works for the same couple the second time around. I can imagine it works better if the folks have done their work to change for the better.


Published Date : 6/18/2019

How does it feel to go to multiple marriages for the same person?? Do you intend to ask how does it feel to get married multiple times? Or do you mean to marry, divorce, and remarry your ex-spouse once again?

To answer the former, i guess it depends upon the person and the experience they bring to the marriage.

For me (and I've only been married/divorced once), I'm planning to take what i learned in the first marriage, try not to repeat my own mistakes, speak up more often, and pay attention to items I used to let build up as resentments.

So far, the relationship I'm in now is my best ever. It's like the divorce and subsequent therapy allowed me to level up?.

To answer the latter, people do it. I don't know any statistics to show if it works for the same couple the second time around. I can imagine it works better if the folks have done their work to change for the better.


Published Date : 6/18/2019

Are you somehow threatened by this compliment? If so, why? Is it pointing out something you?ve taken for granted?

Does your wife dress nice? Perhaps it?s time for you to notice her again.

You could ask, how did his compliment make you feel?? Maybe she felt attractive. Maybe she felt icky. Only she can reveal that.

If it were my wife and she told me she appreciated this compliment, I'd smile, give her a little squeeze and kiss and say, he's absolutely right, honey! You do dress nice. But he doesn't get to know how amazing you are like I do.

Make sure you're not convoluting your wife as a possession that someone else isn't supposed to notice.


Published Date : 10/17/2018

Are you somehow threatened by this compliment? If so, why? Is it pointing out something you?ve taken for granted?

Does your wife dress nice? Perhaps it?s time for you to notice her again.

You could ask, how did his compliment make you feel?? Maybe she felt attractive. Maybe she felt icky. Only she can reveal that.

If it were my wife and she told me she appreciated this compliment, I'd smile, give her a little squeeze and kiss and say, he's absolutely right, honey! You do dress nice. But he doesn't get to know how amazing you are like I do.

Make sure you're not convoluting your wife as a possession that someone else isn't supposed to notice.


Published Date : 10/17/2018

Q: I'm 25 y/o male. I have no friends. I don't have a gf and I'm a virgin. I feel depressed and lonely. The girls I like turn me down. What can I do??

Stay off the internet. There are loads of groups looking for vulnerable people like you to radicalize them. I'd say you're pretty vulnerable right now.

See if you can find a therapist near you to talk to. Or a support group. Get involved in a charity that has you thinking of something bigger than yourself. Head to your local library and check out local groups to join to try something new and get out of the funk you're in.

All of these above ideas can be ways to find other people with similar interests and make friends. Putting all your eggs in the find a girlfriend basket can be really counter productive when you're coming from a place of unhappiness and desperation. It's not going to attract the kind of woman you want and you're going to continue to feel depressed and lonely. And beware of attracting women in your current state - they may take advantage of you in this state or they themselves will also be depressed and lonely. That's not a good match.


Published Date : 5/24/2019

Q: I'm 25 y/o male. I have no friends. I don't have a gf and I'm a virgin. I feel depressed and lonely. The girls I like turn me down. What can I do??

Stay off the internet. There are loads of groups looking for vulnerable people like you to radicalize them. I'd say you're pretty vulnerable right now.

See if you can find a therapist near you to talk to. Or a support group. Get involved in a charity that has you thinking of something bigger than yourself. Head to your local library and check out local groups to join to try something new and get out of the funk you're in.

All of these above ideas can be ways to find other people with similar interests and make friends. Putting all your eggs in the find a girlfriend basket can be really counter productive when you're coming from a place of unhappiness and desperation. It's not going to attract the kind of woman you want and you're going to continue to feel depressed and lonely. And beware of attracting women in your current state - they may take advantage of you in this state or they themselves will also be depressed and lonely. That's not a good match.


Published Date : 5/24/2019

What would *I* do in your case? Leave him behind.

Your partner is encouraged to love you as you are, and your sexual orientation should not make them feel uncomfortable?. Sounds like he has some work to do, especially if he is voicing slightly homophobic views as well.

The fact that he?s hurting you isn't cool either. He doesn't have to be comfortable with your sexuality. It's who you are.

Examine what love should feel like and ask yourself if this feeling is it. Imagine how feeling truly unconditionally loved and ACCEPTED will feel. He doesn't sound like it?.


Published Date : 5/13/2019

What would *I* do in your case? Leave him behind.

Your partner is encouraged to love you as you are, and your sexual orientation should not make them feel uncomfortable?. Sounds like he has some work to do, especially if he is voicing slightly homophobic views as well.

The fact that he?s hurting you isn't cool either. He doesn't have to be comfortable with your sexuality. It's who you are.

Examine what love should feel like and ask yourself if this feeling is it. Imagine how feeling truly unconditionally loved and ACCEPTED will feel. He doesn't sound like it?.


Published Date : 5/13/2019

Not strange at all.

As much as folks might want to tease or poke you about it, you're fine. Relax. Having an anxious energy about being late? might come out as desperate. You've probably seen folks like that.

Relaxing can also help give you an air of confidence because you're doing your own thing and don't give a f*ck what others think.

My question for you: do you talk to other people IRL?
Do you do activities outside of the home that encourage you to interact with Humans?
Are there clubs or classes or meetups or activities you can join doing something you already like to do?
Do you have the ability to practice getting to know others at a deeper level?
To talk about shared experiences, dreams, or things you enjoy?

If you're doing those things, you're probably going to eventually find a friend you want to hang out with.

And as long as you're having fun, mention how you're feeling. Like, I'm having fun with you or I like spending time with you. Saying something like that can cue the other person to self reflect how they feel with you.

If they pull away as a result of you speaking how you feel, don't take it personally. If it was a genuine feeling you shared, let them go graciously. Why? Because they've freed you up to find a partner who can reciprocate.

But if you both like spending time together, perhaps that can lead to a romantic relationship. Let it flow. Don't force things.

If they don't feel it, graciously move on. Sticking around and *hoping* could be a waste of your time.

Bottom line? You're not too late. You?re 19 years old. This is *Just Right* for starting. Some folks don?t even marry their first time until 38+. Really, plenty of time.


Published Date : 11/20/2019

Not strange at all.

As much as folks might want to tease or poke you about it, you're fine. Relax. Having an anxious energy about being late? might come out as desperate. You've probably seen folks like that.

Relaxing can also help give you an air of confidence because you're doing your own thing and don't give a f*ck what others think.

My question for you: do you talk to other people IRL?
Do you do activities outside of the home that encourage you to interact with Humans?
Are there clubs or classes or meetups or activities you can join doing something you already like to do?
Do you have the ability to practice getting to know others at a deeper level?
To talk about shared experiences, dreams, or things you enjoy?

If you're doing those things, you're probably going to eventually find a friend you want to hang out with.

And as long as you're having fun, mention how you're feeling. Like, I'm having fun with you or I like spending time with you. Saying something like that can cue the other person to self reflect how they feel with you.

If they pull away as a result of you speaking how you feel, don't take it personally. If it was a genuine feeling you shared, let them go graciously. Why? Because they've freed you up to find a partner who can reciprocate.

But if you both like spending time together, perhaps that can lead to a romantic relationship. Let it flow. Don't force things.

If they don't feel it, graciously move on. Sticking around and *hoping* could be a waste of your time.

Bottom line? You're not too late. You?re 19 years old. This is *Just Right* for starting. Some folks don?t even marry their first time until 38+. Really, plenty of time.


Published Date : 11/20/2019

No, nothing is wrong with you.

There's this weird thing we do (in American culture in particular) where people think teens HAVE TO be outwardly sexual. It has the effect of making people like you (and me at your age) feel like there's something wrong with us. It's shitty.

I figured out over many years of dating to find someone that I wanted to spend time with and to see who I could feels safe and comfortable with. It may be that you just haven't felt comfortable enough to connect and eventually feel romantic toward them.

Or it could be that you are asexual. It is a valid orientation of people who just don't feel any sexual desire or interest toward others. There's nothing wrong with Asexuality either.

Give yourself time, as much time as you need. And know that anyone giving you shit about any aspect of what you've shared in this post is an immature jerk who doesn't deserve to hear more of your vulnerability. Someone who is empathetic? Now, they're cool.


Published Date : 5/5/2019

No, nothing is wrong with you.

There's this weird thing we do (in American culture in particular) where people think teens HAVE TO be outwardly sexual. It has the effect of making people like you (and me at your age) feel like there's something wrong with us. It's shitty.

I figured out over many years of dating to find someone that I wanted to spend time with and to see who I could feels safe and comfortable with. It may be that you just haven't felt comfortable enough to connect and eventually feel romantic toward them.

Or it could be that you are asexual. It is a valid orientation of people who just don't feel any sexual desire or interest toward others. There's nothing wrong with Asexuality either.

Give yourself time, as much time as you need. And know that anyone giving you shit about any aspect of what you've shared in this post is an immature jerk who doesn't deserve to hear more of your vulnerability. Someone who is empathetic? Now, they're cool.


Published Date : 5/5/2019

Whose heart? Your best friend's heart or your best friend 's lovers heart?

You must not realize how fucked up this question is - WHY would you want to do this to your BEST friend! I presume it's okay for your bestie to do it back to you?

I know folks pine over the partners of their friends. But many wait until the relationship runs its course instead of actively working to undermine or destroy a relationship. I think it's hella disrespectful to try to steal people away. I mean, y'all are presumably adults and stuff like this happens all. The. Time. Just give some thought to how you would feel if/when someone would do that to you.

[To folks who are looking to identify qualities of their ideal partners: this is an example of what it looks like in real life when a partner is self serving. It isn't a quality I'd personally look for in a partner. This behavior would be a dealbreaker for me. Sheesh.]


Published Date : 5/9/2019

Whose heart? Your best friend's heart or your best friend 's lovers heart?

You must not realize how fucked up this question is - WHY would you want to do this to your BEST friend! I presume it's okay for your bestie to do it back to you?

I know folks pine over the partners of their friends. But many wait until the relationship runs its course instead of actively working to undermine or destroy a relationship. I think it's hella disrespectful to try to steal people away. I mean, y'all are presumably adults and stuff like this happens all. The. Time. Just give some thought to how you would feel if/when someone would do that to you.

[To folks who are looking to identify qualities of their ideal partners: this is an example of what it looks like in real life when a partner is self serving. It isn't a quality I'd personally look for in a partner. This behavior would be a dealbreaker for me. Sheesh.]


Published Date : 5/9/2019

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