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porn Question & Answer


Yes, you can be a sexually healthy female if you are masturbating with or without porn. It doesn't matter what kind of porn. It's understandable if you get aroused by gay male porn. Men have a very visible indicator of arousal - their erection - and that can be harder to fake. It may be easier for some female actors to fake arousal and simply perform for the camera - they may or may not be getting pleasure out of their sexual interactions. You may be picking up on that subtle faking distinction. I find the porn that's labeled female centric or produced by female directors or producers tends to be more authentic to portraying female desire*. (*no disrespect to any male directors/producers who have been creating scenarios where female pleasure is the subject, not her as the object - keep at it). Celebrate the fact that you have found something that turns you on. Ignore any messaging that tells you you need to be turned on a certain way. Accept that your pleasure is important however it shows up. (And for the record, I like some gay male porn too.)


Published Date : 7/22/2018

Yes, you can be a sexually healthy female if you are masturbating with or without porn. It doesn't matter what kind of porn. It's understandable if you get aroused by gay male porn. Men have a very visible indicator of arousal - their erection - and that can be harder to fake. It may be easier for some female actors to fake arousal and simply perform for the camera - they may or may not be getting pleasure out of their sexual interactions. You may be picking up on that subtle faking distinction. I find the porn that's labeled female centric or produced by female directors or producers tends to be more authentic to portraying female desire*. (*no disrespect to any male directors/producers who have been creating scenarios where female pleasure is the subject, not her as the object - keep at it). Celebrate the fact that you have found something that turns you on. Ignore any messaging that tells you you need to be turned on a certain way. Accept that your pleasure is important however it shows up. (And for the record, I like some gay male porn too.)


Published Date : 7/22/2018

No, not at all. It just means you don't dig that particular depiction of whatever you watched.

There is so much adult content out there. A lot is poor to bad quality, but there is some good stuff out there.

If you want real people having sex with their partners, check out MakeLoveNotPorn - social sex video sharing platform The couples on there make money for their own video submissions versus some (typically) male producer/director making porn the way he thinks sex happens. Hint: typical porn is all just someone else's fantasy.

Not enjoying porn does not mean you are gay (as if there was something wrong with being gay - there's not). Anyone telling you that is hella ignorant


Published Date : 8/12/2020

No, not at all. It just means you don't dig that particular depiction of whatever you watched.

There is so much adult content out there. A lot is poor to bad quality, but there is some good stuff out there.

If you want real people having sex with their partners, check out MakeLoveNotPorn - social sex video sharing platform The couples on there make money for their own video submissions versus some (typically) male producer/director making porn the way he thinks sex happens. Hint: typical porn is all just someone else's fantasy.

Not enjoying porn does not mean you are gay (as if there was something wrong with being gay - there's not). Anyone telling you that is hella ignorant


Published Date : 8/12/2020

So, try having sex with an actual camera rolling?

Role play. Have some fun with it. Don?t think your way to have sex is better than his way to have sex. They?re BOTH hot I?m sure. Just remove your judgment about porn and put yourself into his fantasy. It might take a little acting to get into the scene, but I?m sure you can get there. Then ask to try sex in the way you wish.

Take turns picking what kind of stuff you?d like to try. You say you?re both kinky. Explore what that means to each of you. And don?t yuk each other?s yum if one might be into something the other isn?t. Just be curious about it, not judgmental.

See where it leads you. Have fun!


Published Date : 9/9/2018

So, try having sex with an actual camera rolling?

Role play. Have some fun with it. Don?t think your way to have sex is better than his way to have sex. They?re BOTH hot I?m sure. Just remove your judgment about porn and put yourself into his fantasy. It might take a little acting to get into the scene, but I?m sure you can get there. Then ask to try sex in the way you wish.

Take turns picking what kind of stuff you?d like to try. You say you?re both kinky. Explore what that means to each of you. And don?t yuk each other?s yum if one might be into something the other isn?t. Just be curious about it, not judgmental.

See where it leads you. Have fun!


Published Date : 9/9/2018

Don't worry about how much you masturbate at this point. Masturbation is a form of self soothing. It feels good, right. And it sounds like right now you're mourning the loss. So forgive the ourself a bit. And I hear you that Porn can be expensive- You could change it up by reading erotica or finding an adult magazine or two that suits you instead.

I would encourage you to find activities that get you out of the house and doing other things you enjoy. Movies,Books, Dinner out with your friends. Hiking in nature, Take a class. It's okay to ask for some company from your friends. If you're recently divorced they might not know how they could help you through this. Ask them for suggestions of things to do too. I'm sure there are many other things you can do with your time that may also serve to help you get her off your mind.

Of course you're afraid to be in love again. You hurt your heart. Just know that it does get better with time - you'll just need to take some inspired action in the meantime to start focusing on something else for a while.


Published Date : 10/17/2018

Don't worry about how much you masturbate at this point. Masturbation is a form of self soothing. It feels good, right. And it sounds like right now you're mourning the loss. So forgive the ourself a bit. And I hear you that Porn can be expensive- You could change it up by reading erotica or finding an adult magazine or two that suits you instead.

I would encourage you to find activities that get you out of the house and doing other things you enjoy. Movies,Books, Dinner out with your friends. Hiking in nature, Take a class. It's okay to ask for some company from your friends. If you're recently divorced they might not know how they could help you through this. Ask them for suggestions of things to do too. I'm sure there are many other things you can do with your time that may also serve to help you get her off your mind.

Of course you're afraid to be in love again. You hurt your heart. Just know that it does get better with time - you'll just need to take some inspired action in the meantime to start focusing on something else for a while.


Published Date : 10/17/2018

Please clarify ?BC?.


Published Date : 9/9/2018

Please clarify ?BC?.


Published Date : 9/9/2018

How does his masturbation to videos of other women hurt you? Honest question.

If it bothers you that much, then you don't have to be in relationship with him.

However, maybe first do a little examination of why him watching videos of other women bothers you. What specifically. Is it how these other women look? Does it bring up some insecurity for you? Do you feel it's betrayal? If so, why? Are you worried about him leaving you for them? Get really clear and then maybe you can have a specific conversation with him about these concerns.

Sometimes making something forbidden makes it that much more appealing. I'm sure that's not your intention.

(By the way, I do coaching on this type of issue and could help you uncover the issues you may have here.)

No one likes to be controlled and you making such a demand might feel to him like you're trying to control him.


Published Date : 12/21/2019

How does his masturbation to videos of other women hurt you? Honest question.

If it bothers you that much, then you don't have to be in relationship with him.

However, maybe first do a little examination of why him watching videos of other women bothers you. What specifically. Is it how these other women look? Does it bring up some insecurity for you? Do you feel it's betrayal? If so, why? Are you worried about him leaving you for them? Get really clear and then maybe you can have a specific conversation with him about these concerns.

Sometimes making something forbidden makes it that much more appealing. I'm sure that's not your intention.

(By the way, I do coaching on this type of issue and could help you uncover the issues you may have here.)

No one likes to be controlled and you making such a demand might feel to him like you're trying to control him.


Published Date : 12/21/2019