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relationships Question & Answer


What? No.What makes a person unattractive is insecurity and a lack of confidence. In fact, those two things together make you an easy target for exactly the WRONG person who would want to date you. They would see you as easy prey. It can be a set up for all kinds of unhealthy relationship habits.Do what you can to try to identify what qualities you would like in a partner and see how much of those qualities you have to offer. If you're lacking, think of ways you can change that. For example, If you're low on self esteem, maybe hang out with people who build each other up instead of people who reply sarcastically.I notice your question sounds like it's coming from a place of shaming yourself for where you are. There is NOTHING wrong with not yet having a romantic relationship. You are a whole person already WITHOUT a partner. Our crappy culture gives boys and girls this message that they should already be partnered from the youngest age and it's just weird.Make friends with folks who help you be your best self and that ideal person just might show up when you least expect it....
Published Date : 5/9/2019

Bri, is it? Examine what it is about him that you like. Can you name the qualities or characteristics he has that you find atttactive? When you are together, how does he treat you? What about his behavior gives you warm feelings (and not just sexual feelings)? Give some thought to the principles you live by, and what sorts of hobbies or activities you enjoy that you'd like to share with a partner. Are there certain relationship skills you think are necessary for a long-term relationship (and if you're lacking in any of those, how do you fix that?)? When I look back on when I was in college, I tended to like guys who were sort of neutral to me; they weren't really into me nor actively pursuing me. It was like I wanted the challenge of winning him over to liking me. I think that I considered that some sort of win (which I think is totally bizarre now). Do you think it's possible that you're doing this too? The advice I have for my daughters now is for them to pay close attention to how they feel when they are with the person, notice if they think they could be friends with the person (I personally think friend zone should be reclaimed because intimacy, closeness, and general liking of the other person is important. As important as the passion and sexual connection but we don?t always have to lead with that. But that?s a different post altogether). Also, in asking him if he's still interested in you, you're giving away your power. Why leave this up to him to decide? The most important person in this situation is YOU. Give some serious consideration to whether YOU are still interested in him. The relationship I choose now is a hell yeah! not an ,I guess so or sure, why not.? ...
Published Date : 7/9/2018

First off, if you find a qualified professional who is adequately educated in human sexuality (like the professionals of the organization American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, & Therapists AASECT) then I cannot imagine they would be uncomfortable. If your topic is one that the practitioner doesn't specialize in, I?m sure they would refer you to someone who does. It's a great network and I'm proud to be part of it.That said, not every psychotherapist is part of this group. There are other sex-informed organizations you can find that a sex-informed professional could be part of, like ISSWSH, WASC, SSSS, and SIECUS. Google those ones.If you're unsure of how your psychotherapist will react to the topic of sex, just ask. Ask questions. I would want to know if they went through a SAR - (Sexual Attitude Reassessment/Restructuring) and also ask their views about porn and sex addiction. Those items are my own litmus test for a sex- positive person to get a quick sense of their attitudes about sexuality.Asking the psychotherapist up front their views about sexuality is a fair thing to do, especially if you want to talk about your sexuality in your sessions.Wishing you the best care!Lanae, ...
Published Date : 7/27/2018

Why not? It's certainly a good screen - if they cannot handle that then they're not for you. (And it's NOT about you. It's their ?stuff?. Don't you feel bad at all). I'd probably disclose it even before the date.After all, your parenting is 24/7 and a future partner should be prepared to understand that and step up should you need their help....
Published Date : 10/15/2018

At first read, I tend to think your boyfriend has touch needs that aren't getting met. Regular old platonic, nurturing, affectionate touch. One approach could be to perhaps spend more time cuddling, holding each other lovingly without sex or intercourse being the end goal.To make his desire just a result of being male is a bit overly simplistic, in my opinion. American culture isn't too permissive for men to show many emotions other than anger, or passion for his sports team, and of course, lust for sex. To limit to these three emotions is not allowing us to see something very important: Men are much more complex than we allow them to be.Reflecting on your question again, I'm curious about your word choice in a couple areas: You use the word always. Some people I've superlatives like never and always when that is really not the case. How often is always.Have you tried to meet him in a public space? Does he try there too? You could say, I notice when we get together you always want to get it on. Tell me about that? He might share some interesting information with you. Ideally it sheds light on your question.The other word choice I want to point out is your phrase sex from me. Someone else might say sex with me. I don't know you at all to know if this reflects your personal attitudes toward sex OR if you're feeling used by him. It's important for you to share your exact feeling with him. When we get together and you want sex from me, I don't get the sense you .see me?/want to get to know me/want to really connect with me? - you fill in what applies to you. A good partner won't want their loved one to feel used, they'd want to show love? (unless that?s his kink and something the two of you want to explore in your relationship agreement).Talk to him. Get your feeling out there and make it clear his feelings are mentionable as well (then make sure they are and you don't begin to shame him because you think he's being soft? or girly? or some shaming crap like that!!)...
Published Date : 10/31/2018

Maybe not THAT particular, but sure. Some people really appreciate the checkbox features of dating websites so it limits their results.I was kinda like that - filled out some real specifics or a tight range (like height/age) until I had real life, out in the wild experiences where I met people who were outside my limited scope and then I decided to expand my parameters.Maybe this guy would too if he had more of an open mind....
Published Date : 11/2/2018

Eh, forget that guy.Why is he mad? He's just bitter because you won't have sex with him, and he assumes that if you liked him you'd be more likely to have sex with him.He could also be saying he's mad to manipulate you to have sex with him, playing on a notion that you wouldn't want to make him mad at you. (See how screwed up that is??) A manipulation, pure and simple.Fuck that guy (but not literally)....
Published Date : 10/24/2019

Umm. How are you making this about you?Your wife married someone she presumably loved and that person died. How is she feeling about that loss? It is a little strange that it didn?t come up before but maybe the event was very depressing, sad, traumatic for her and she doesn?t like to discuss it.I understand your feeling betrayed to some extent, but hurt? Why? If it?s because you don?t want to think of your wife with another man, get over it.What should you do? Take a moment and consider her. Consider maybe she didn?t tell you because she sensed you?d act like you are right now. We pick up on microexpressions and microreactions from our partners all the time. If you?re not a ?safe? person to open up to, then I likely wouldn?t have told you either.Ask her if she wants to talk about it. Then maybe you can begin to ask the NONJUDGMENTAL questions about why she didn?t tell you. You?re not getting anywhere if you come at her with all of your hurt, betrayal, lack of trust. LISTEN with your heart and have some compassion for your love who lost someone close to her.It may make sense to go to a therapist to figure out how to process the emotions coming up for you AND figure out how to talk to her about this in a nonconfrontational way....
Published Date : 8/7/2018

I'd say the best person to ask would be your partner. In my opinion, the two of you can come up with any solution you can both agree to as long as neither of you have felt coerced in making the agreement. You are not obligated to do what other people do just because that's the way it is. I presume you are both smart, respectful, consenting adults who can communicate your feelings, and you will need to, especially when it comes to the time when one or both of you feel a need to renegotiate your relationship agreement. Some people are fine with going along in a relationship leaving things left unsaid. To me, I feel the question you pose boils down to respect. I personally would prefer to explicitly outline some needs, wants, and desires as well as expectations. My partner doesn't have to meet all of those or even do as I wish. We all have free will. Only I get to decide which of my list would be dealbreakers if not met. It may happen that some people will fail to uphold their end of the bargain. You could even calculate what you will do if / when someone violates your relationship agreement. I would say the only obligation you have to your partner would be to communicate. When communication stops, then the relationship is usually headed for trouble. ...
Published Date : 7/6/2018

Does Christianity preclude consent?I?m not an expert in Christianity (I was raised Roman Catholic) but what phrase in the Bible has you thinking having sex with a bed ridden husband is a requirement?Regardless of your religion, I believe you are not required to do anything, sexually or otherwise, that grosses you out. Your body, your choice. Otherwise, it?s a form of indentured servitude....
Published Date : 8/4/2018

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