This sounds to me a bit like when guys complain that they've been ?friend zoned?
Maybe their choices in partners aren't as random as you believe they are? Or maybe he's not ?getting with the ones you think. Or maybe people are hating on him for some other reason and talking shot sonwomen *think* he's getting with all these women. Maybe he rejects one because he senses this person wants a Relationship (and he doesn't wanna deal with that). Who knows!
Ask yourself this: Is this supposed player? really someone you wanna get with too? Or is this a challenge you're unconsciously putting on yourself to find your worth or value?
This sounds to me a bit like when guys complain that they've been ?friend zoned?
Maybe their choices in partners aren't as random as you believe they are? Or maybe he's not ?getting with the ones you think. Or maybe people are hating on him for some other reason and talking shot sonwomen *think* he's getting with all these women. Maybe he rejects one because he senses this person wants a Relationship (and he doesn't wanna deal with that). Who knows!
Ask yourself this: Is this supposed player? really someone you wanna get with too? Or is this a challenge you're unconsciously putting on yourself to find your worth or value?
If you asked me this a year or two out of my marriage I would have said NO WAY! I do NOT want to marry again! A few more years down this path I have a different idea - AND a different idea of how I'd want the marriage ceremony to go.
You can design your relationship however the two of you agree. Don't necessarily take the off-the-shelf version everyone else does just because that's how it's done. Really think it through what you both need for this journey. And then do that.
The drawn out divorces are shitty for sure. If you can commit to being friends and uphold that at then very least then I think there's less likelyhood of things ending up contentious again.
If you asked me this a year or two out of my marriage I would have said NO WAY! I do NOT want to marry again! A few more years down this path I have a different idea - AND a different idea of how I'd want the marriage ceremony to go.
You can design your relationship however the two of you agree. Don't necessarily take the off-the-shelf version everyone else does just because that's how it's done. Really think it through what you both need for this journey. And then do that.
The drawn out divorces are shitty for sure. If you can commit to being friends and uphold that at then very least then I think there's less likelyhood of things ending up contentious again.
At first read, I tend to think your boyfriend has touch needs that aren't getting met. Regular old platonic, nurturing, affectionate touch. One approach could be to perhaps spend more time cuddling, holding each other lovingly without sex or intercourse being the end goal.
To make his desire just a result of being male is a bit overly simplistic, in my opinion. American culture isn't too permissive for men to show many emotions other than anger, or passion for his sports team, and of course, lust for sex. To limit to these three emotions is not allowing us to see something very important: Men are much more complex than we allow them to be.
Reflecting on your question again, I'm curious about your word choice in a couple areas: You use the word always. Some people I've superlatives like never and always when that is really not the case. How often is always.Have you tried to meet him in a public space? Does he try there too? You could say, I notice when we get together you always want to get it on. Tell me about that? He might share some interesting information with you. Ideally it sheds light on your question.
The other word choice I want to point out is your phrase sex from me. Someone else might say sex with me. I don't know you at all to know if this reflects your personal attitudes toward sex OR if you're feeling used by him. It's important for you to share your exact feeling with him. When we get together and you want sex from me, I don't get the sense you .see me?/want to get to know me/want to really connect with me? - you fill in what applies to you. A good partner won't want their loved one to feel used, they'd want to show love? (unless that?s his kink and something the two of you want to explore in your relationship agreement).
Talk to him. Get your feeling out there and make it clear his feelings are mentionable as well (then make sure they are and you don't begin to shame him because you think he's being soft? or girly? or some shaming crap like that!!)
At first read, I tend to think your boyfriend has touch needs that aren't getting met. Regular old platonic, nurturing, affectionate touch. One approach could be to perhaps spend more time cuddling, holding each other lovingly without sex or intercourse being the end goal.
To make his desire just a result of being male is a bit overly simplistic, in my opinion. American culture isn't too permissive for men to show many emotions other than anger, or passion for his sports team, and of course, lust for sex. To limit to these three emotions is not allowing us to see something very important: Men are much more complex than we allow them to be.
Reflecting on your question again, I'm curious about your word choice in a couple areas: You use the word always. Some people I've superlatives like never and always when that is really not the case. How often is always.Have you tried to meet him in a public space? Does he try there too? You could say, I notice when we get together you always want to get it on. Tell me about that? He might share some interesting information with you. Ideally it sheds light on your question.
The other word choice I want to point out is your phrase sex from me. Someone else might say sex with me. I don't know you at all to know if this reflects your personal attitudes toward sex OR if you're feeling used by him. It's important for you to share your exact feeling with him. When we get together and you want sex from me, I don't get the sense you .see me?/want to get to know me/want to really connect with me? - you fill in what applies to you. A good partner won't want their loved one to feel used, they'd want to show love? (unless that?s his kink and something the two of you want to explore in your relationship agreement).
Talk to him. Get your feeling out there and make it clear his feelings are mentionable as well (then make sure they are and you don't begin to shame him because you think he's being soft? or girly? or some shaming crap like that!!)
Probably because you?re acting like a controlling jerk.
It makes me think back to the young me. If we were dating and you made the same demand of me, I wouldn?t tell you either. Why? Because I don?t like to be told who I can talk to. If you gave me a solid reason that I can understand, then maybe I?d reconsider hanging around this other guy.
Examine why YOU don?t want her to hang around with him. Off the cuff, my guess points to immaturity, insecurity, possessiveness, jealousy? I could keep going. Take your pick. None of these are redeeming qualities if you ask me.
Why don?t you examine what it is and figure out specifically what it is about him that makes you feel the way you do. Is he creepy? Is he involved in illegal business? Do you know something about him you haven?t shared with her? Are you afraid he is going to try to fuck her?
Or is it really about her: you think she won?t be able to resist his penis and she?ll sleep with him? Or something else?
To be fair, a SMALL piece of this could be on her too. (Small. Make no mistake, You really have to own the jealous controlling boyfriend bullshit and figure out how to get through that).
I think she doesn?t sound that mature either if she cannot talk to you. That is, unless you have threatened her, made any sort of micro aggression toward her, or otherwise shown yourself to be verbally or physically violent. And that?s NOT cool. My guess is she didn?t tell you because you have shown yourself to not be a safe person to disclose things like this to. Which is not good.
If you don?t resolve this issue of yours then I fear for your future relationships. You may keep finding people who go behind your back, especially if they are scared of you or think they really can?t talk to you.
Probably because you?re acting like a controlling jerk.
It makes me think back to the young me. If we were dating and you made the same demand of me, I wouldn?t tell you either. Why? Because I don?t like to be told who I can talk to. If you gave me a solid reason that I can understand, then maybe I?d reconsider hanging around this other guy.
Examine why YOU don?t want her to hang around with him. Off the cuff, my guess points to immaturity, insecurity, possessiveness, jealousy? I could keep going. Take your pick. None of these are redeeming qualities if you ask me.
Why don?t you examine what it is and figure out specifically what it is about him that makes you feel the way you do. Is he creepy? Is he involved in illegal business? Do you know something about him you haven?t shared with her? Are you afraid he is going to try to fuck her?
Or is it really about her: you think she won?t be able to resist his penis and she?ll sleep with him? Or something else?
To be fair, a SMALL piece of this could be on her too. (Small. Make no mistake, You really have to own the jealous controlling boyfriend bullshit and figure out how to get through that).
I think she doesn?t sound that mature either if she cannot talk to you. That is, unless you have threatened her, made any sort of micro aggression toward her, or otherwise shown yourself to be verbally or physically violent. And that?s NOT cool. My guess is she didn?t tell you because you have shown yourself to not be a safe person to disclose things like this to. Which is not good.
If you don?t resolve this issue of yours then I fear for your future relationships. You may keep finding people who go behind your back, especially if they are scared of you or think they really can?t talk to you.
No.
Again, no.
It is NOT a parent's job, nor the job of any older sibling or adult, to usher a child into sexual behaviors.
There would be no way I would say yes to this. I wouldn't consider this all.
To be clear, I wouldn't let ANYONE have sex with me**? just because they had feelings for me. I probably don't have feelings for him. Isn't that important Like, bruh, don't *my* feelings matter?
Also, **that sounds oddly allowing. I'm not an object.
No.
Again, no.
It is NOT a parent's job, nor the job of any older sibling or adult, to usher a child into sexual behaviors.
There would be no way I would say yes to this. I wouldn't consider this all.
To be clear, I wouldn't let ANYONE have sex with me**? just because they had feelings for me. I probably don't have feelings for him. Isn't that important Like, bruh, don't *my* feelings matter?
Also, **that sounds oddly allowing. I'm not an object.
You're asking this under the dating etiquette but it's about someone you're not dating.
I'm not sure I understand the context of this question... (And when you say girl? I'm picturing an adolescent under 18 years of age - do you mean young woman??)
Why are you asking a girl to share a really small bed with someone they're not dating in the first place? From here on, I'm answering for a woman, not a girl.
Sure, it is possible for two people to sleep in the same bed. And it is possible for two people sharing a bed to not have sexual intercourse - married couples around the world do this regularly.
Normally if a woman is not comfortable sleeping in bed with a member of the opposite sex it's because they fear that other person in the bed might have roaming hands and try to initiate unwanted sexual activity or worse, try to overpower them and rape them.
Even better, instead of making it necessary for a woman to share a really small bed with a guy, ask her what her preference is for sleeping arrangements - same gender, opposite gender, or alone.
If you cannot provide the type of space where a woman would feel safe, then make arrangements for separate beds.
You're asking this under the dating etiquette but it's about someone you're not dating.
I'm not sure I understand the context of this question... (And when you say girl? I'm picturing an adolescent under 18 years of age - do you mean young woman??)
Why are you asking a girl to share a really small bed with someone they're not dating in the first place? From here on, I'm answering for a woman, not a girl.
Sure, it is possible for two people to sleep in the same bed. And it is possible for two people sharing a bed to not have sexual intercourse - married couples around the world do this regularly.
Normally if a woman is not comfortable sleeping in bed with a member of the opposite sex it's because they fear that other person in the bed might have roaming hands and try to initiate unwanted sexual activity or worse, try to overpower them and rape them.
Even better, instead of making it necessary for a woman to share a really small bed with a guy, ask her what her preference is for sleeping arrangements - same gender, opposite gender, or alone.
If you cannot provide the type of space where a woman would feel safe, then make arrangements for separate beds.
I personally would never want to date anyone who wanted me to give up my dog, my job, or my livelihood. Nor would I expect anyone to give up anything for me either. But let's say I love someone and they were allergic to a pet I owned. If there was no way the person could safely survive living with me and my pet, then it would be up to us to figure out what options we had. Perhaps we stayed together but didn't live together. Perhaps the pet went to live with a friend. There could be any number of solutions. Ultimately though ,I'd be up to me to determine who I loved more, I guess. But that should be a decision I make of my own free will without coercion. If my partner coerced me to give up my pet when I wasn?t altogether sure about my love for them, I'd likely resent them for it. If their love for me was conditional upon giving up the pet, then that is manipulative. That would not be a person I'd want to be with honestly. I hope you are not in this position and seeking permission to request this of a partner because it could yield an outcome that is less than optimal. If you're trying to convince someone that they should get rid of their pet as a way of showing they love you, please don't. Instead, examine if someone important in your life has done this withholding love on the condition you perform a certain way to you. In the long run, this type of manipulative pattern is not healthy IMO. Seek help from a qualified counselor or therapist who can help you escape from the conditional love quandary.
I personally would never want to date anyone who wanted me to give up my dog, my job, or my livelihood. Nor would I expect anyone to give up anything for me either. But let's say I love someone and they were allergic to a pet I owned. If there was no way the person could safely survive living with me and my pet, then it would be up to us to figure out what options we had. Perhaps we stayed together but didn't live together. Perhaps the pet went to live with a friend. There could be any number of solutions. Ultimately though ,I'd be up to me to determine who I loved more, I guess. But that should be a decision I make of my own free will without coercion. If my partner coerced me to give up my pet when I wasn?t altogether sure about my love for them, I'd likely resent them for it. If their love for me was conditional upon giving up the pet, then that is manipulative. That would not be a person I'd want to be with honestly. I hope you are not in this position and seeking permission to request this of a partner because it could yield an outcome that is less than optimal. If you're trying to convince someone that they should get rid of their pet as a way of showing they love you, please don't. Instead, examine if someone important in your life has done this withholding love on the condition you perform a certain way to you. In the long run, this type of manipulative pattern is not healthy IMO. Seek help from a qualified counselor or therapist who can help you escape from the conditional love quandary.
Would I enjoy telling the world the salacious details of my life?
Maybe in an earlier point in my life when I felt insecure and wanted to give others the sense that I was very active or knew everything there was to know.
Now, with all of the education and wisdom I do have, we keep it fresh and private. My sex life is just right for me and my partner.
Would I enjoy telling the world the salacious details of my life?
Maybe in an earlier point in my life when I felt insecure and wanted to give others the sense that I was very active or knew everything there was to know.
Now, with all of the education and wisdom I do have, we keep it fresh and private. My sex life is just right for me and my partner.
Being a dating and relationship coach myself, yes indeed I would. If you're not getting the results you want in school, wouldn't you hire a tutor? It's kind of the same thing. Sometimes dating doesn't come naturally for some folks and having a person who can guide them is super helpful.
So yeah, I'd consider hiring a dating coach
Being a dating and relationship coach myself, yes indeed I would. If you're not getting the results you want in school, wouldn't you hire a tutor? It's kind of the same thing. Sometimes dating doesn't come naturally for some folks and having a person who can guide them is super helpful.
So yeah, I'd consider hiring a dating coach
I'm curious about this question:
If you had sex with her on the first date, would that make you undateable? Why or why not?
I get a sense about people who ask questions like this - that they're very immature or religious or judgmental. Is this you? Because this is how the question sounds to someone who doesn't judge another person for having sex on the first date.
You can never know that person's motivations unless you ask them.
A woman is just as dateable after having sex on the first date as a man who has sex on the first date.
I'm curious about this question:
If you had sex with her on the first date, would that make you undateable? Why or why not?
I get a sense about people who ask questions like this - that they're very immature or religious or judgmental. Is this you? Because this is how the question sounds to someone who doesn't judge another person for having sex on the first date.
You can never know that person's motivations unless you ask them.
A woman is just as dateable after having sex on the first date as a man who has sex on the first date.