Thank you for the A2A
No, I don't have trouble gaining feelings for the people I've dated.
I'm not sure I understand what's happening behind this question - do you have a hard time gaining feelings for people you've dated? In my mind, liking someone has to do with respecting them. If you don't respect them then how can you really like them?
Here's another question for you: do you like yourself? I mean, really like yourself?
That can be tough to answer for some folks
Thank you for the A2A
No, I don't have trouble gaining feelings for the people I've dated.
I'm not sure I understand what's happening behind this question - do you have a hard time gaining feelings for people you've dated? In my mind, liking someone has to do with respecting them. If you don't respect them then how can you really like them?
Here's another question for you: do you like yourself? I mean, really like yourself?
That can be tough to answer for some folks
Hatred? No. My mom has always been loving and attentive in her own way.
Hatred is a pretty strong emotion, and yet I'm sure some people would legitimately feel this toward a family member and be justified for feeling this way.
Hatred? No. My mom has always been loving and attentive in her own way.
Hatred is a pretty strong emotion, and yet I'm sure some people would legitimately feel this toward a family member and be justified for feeling this way.
There are a couple ways to determine this that come to my mind
but perhaps the better approach is for YOU to think through what love means to you? There's conditional love and unconditional love. Do you know the difference? The model some people got from their parents was conditional - something along the lines of ?if you get someone pregnant I'll disown you? (conditional, not to mention also verbally and emotionally abusive).
Ask yourself how you feel about how your girlfriend treats you. Do you feel good? Do her comments make you feel bad about yourself? Is she encouraging? Disparaging? Respectful? Intrusive? Jealous (this one tricks people because some people think jealousy is a good thing. I disagree!)? Check in your body how being with her makes you feel.
That's just a couple of ideas to get you started. It can be tough to find unconditional love in a partner, but finding someone who loves you and accepts you in spite of any faults you may have is wonderful.
There are a couple ways to determine this that come to my mind
but perhaps the better approach is for YOU to think through what love means to you? There's conditional love and unconditional love. Do you know the difference? The model some people got from their parents was conditional - something along the lines of ?if you get someone pregnant I'll disown you? (conditional, not to mention also verbally and emotionally abusive).
Ask yourself how you feel about how your girlfriend treats you. Do you feel good? Do her comments make you feel bad about yourself? Is she encouraging? Disparaging? Respectful? Intrusive? Jealous (this one tricks people because some people think jealousy is a good thing. I disagree!)? Check in your body how being with her makes you feel.
That's just a couple of ideas to get you started. It can be tough to find unconditional love in a partner, but finding someone who loves you and accepts you in spite of any faults you may have is wonderful.
If this is not your jam, then find a new boyfriend. I hope you're not asking this question so you can strategize ways to change him. Ugh. That's gross. He's fine the way he is.
There's really nothing wrong with either of you. You are simply the product of all of your life experiences. Not everyone is going to be for you. Not everyone is going to be for him.
Some people will be OK with an emotionally cold partner. It may feel familiar to them based on the relationships around them as they grew up. Nothing wrong with that.
You may be a person who needs a more expressive or emotionally available partner. That's okay too. You're lucky to discover this now so you can make sure to have that as a quality to find a future partner. If it's important to you, do not compromise or settle down with someone who is emotionally cold. It'll be the same result as what you feel now.
I wrote a blog post related to this topic and it includes a self-study workbook to Create your own users manual to help you identify more of those qualities and characteristics you want to find in a partner. Check it out.
If this is not your jam, then find a new boyfriend. I hope you're not asking this question so you can strategize ways to change him. Ugh. That's gross. He's fine the way he is.
There's really nothing wrong with either of you. You are simply the product of all of your life experiences. Not everyone is going to be for you. Not everyone is going to be for him.
Some people will be OK with an emotionally cold partner. It may feel familiar to them based on the relationships around them as they grew up. Nothing wrong with that.
You may be a person who needs a more expressive or emotionally available partner. That's okay too. You're lucky to discover this now so you can make sure to have that as a quality to find a future partner. If it's important to you, do not compromise or settle down with someone who is emotionally cold. It'll be the same result as what you feel now.
I wrote a blog post related to this topic and it includes a self-study workbook to Create your own users manual to help you identify more of those qualities and characteristics you want to find in a partner. Check it out.
Honey, you're making yourself sick for something that likely won't be a life long situation. You're FIFTEEN. You have so many years ahead of you to find someone you really care about.
Use the time now to get yourself ready for your life. School? Future career? Solid friendships? Forgiving yourself out?
Also, get clear on the type of relationship you want to find; do some reading on healthy and unhealthy relationships so you can create the best relationship for yourself.
If you look at the average age of first marriage, it's 27 for women and 29 for men. You have time. Try not to stress yourself out.
Honey, you're making yourself sick for something that likely won't be a life long situation. You're FIFTEEN. You have so many years ahead of you to find someone you really care about.
Use the time now to get yourself ready for your life. School? Future career? Solid friendships? Forgiving yourself out?
Also, get clear on the type of relationship you want to find; do some reading on healthy and unhealthy relationships so you can create the best relationship for yourself.
If you look at the average age of first marriage, it's 27 for women and 29 for men. You have time. Try not to stress yourself out.
This is a great question. I suppose anything is possible. My guess is it's mutual (as I imagine the electricity flows between the two people like a circuit. Either none feels it, or both) but that sounds like a nice experiment to try out.
Report back with your data?
This is a great question. I suppose anything is possible. My guess is it's mutual (as I imagine the electricity flows between the two people like a circuit. Either none feels it, or both) but that sounds like a nice experiment to try out.
Report back with your data?
Honestly, I'm not sure it's fair to put these on the same scale
- the actual orgasm itself can be relatively brief -
but I would have to say right up there at the top of my list is Touch.?
Affectionate, warm, loving, reciprocated, connected touch feels really very nice.
It doesn't even need to be a sexual touch. Not even with a romantic or sexual partner. Just someone who can attend to your needs.
That feels pretty d*mn good.
Honestly, I'm not sure it's fair to put these on the same scale
- the actual orgasm itself can be relatively brief -
but I would have to say right up there at the top of my list is Touch.?
Affectionate, warm, loving, reciprocated, connected touch feels really very nice.
It doesn't even need to be a sexual touch. Not even with a romantic or sexual partner. Just someone who can attend to your needs.
That feels pretty d*mn good.
I see a few ways you could go but all are going to be a derivative of the two I list here -Stay. Accept that this is the way he is and figure out what boundaries you need to establish for yourself (i.e., no more sleeping with your bestfriends - while also examining who deserves the label ?bestfriend?). -Go. Break it off. To this point it seems he does not have the same idea about limiting his sexual interactions with other women in while in relationship with you. It may be that this is the model he has seen and therefore thinks this is normal, he may not Feel any remorse about how his behavior impacts you, or he may just not respect you. Ultimately you have to decide IF you are going to draw a line in the sand, and WHAT action you're going to take if and when he crosses it. If you set a boundary and he crosses it, then I'd say you have your answer about whether he respects you or not. Then if I were you, I'd seriously question why ?I still love him. , PS, I'd also take a serious look at your definition of bestfriend.
I see a few ways you could go but all are going to be a derivative of the two I list here -Stay. Accept that this is the way he is and figure out what boundaries you need to establish for yourself (i.e., no more sleeping with your bestfriends - while also examining who deserves the label ?bestfriend?). -Go. Break it off. To this point it seems he does not have the same idea about limiting his sexual interactions with other women in while in relationship with you. It may be that this is the model he has seen and therefore thinks this is normal, he may not Feel any remorse about how his behavior impacts you, or he may just not respect you. Ultimately you have to decide IF you are going to draw a line in the sand, and WHAT action you're going to take if and when he crosses it. If you set a boundary and he crosses it, then I'd say you have your answer about whether he respects you or not. Then if I were you, I'd seriously question why ?I still love him. , PS, I'd also take a serious look at your definition of bestfriend.
Why. Why would you tell your friend NOW that you developed feelings for her when she?s in a relationship? Did you only now figure it out? Is it because she is now ?taken? that you feel a need to try to steal her away? Would that make you feel a sense of validation? Like a challenge you won? What has occurred in the last 8 months ago to have you develop feelings compared to when she was single?
I think it?s selfish to tell her now. Do you hope to break her up from what could be a very happy relationship for her? If you cared for her then I?d think you want the best for her, even if it meant it wasn?t with you. See how selfish wanting to break up her relationship is?
Be friends! Accept that! That's actually quite a nice result. Don't cross a boundary or entice her to. - that's sleazy.
I'd like to point out that we have no idea how she feels about you. She may not have feelings for you like you have for her. Telling her now while she's in a relationship might turn her off on you and your motivations and lack of class. That would be a backfire in my mind.
Let's say you become good friends. Their relationship doesn't last. You spend time with her and your other friends together while she heals from the break up. Be there for her. Then and only then can you tell her that you have feelings for her (if you still do by then). But also, don't begin to have any expectations that she somehow Owes You and has to have feeing back for you because you've been her friend. That's entitled bullshit and it's gross.
Why. Why would you tell your friend NOW that you developed feelings for her when she?s in a relationship? Did you only now figure it out? Is it because she is now ?taken? that you feel a need to try to steal her away? Would that make you feel a sense of validation? Like a challenge you won? What has occurred in the last 8 months ago to have you develop feelings compared to when she was single?
I think it?s selfish to tell her now. Do you hope to break her up from what could be a very happy relationship for her? If you cared for her then I?d think you want the best for her, even if it meant it wasn?t with you. See how selfish wanting to break up her relationship is?
Be friends! Accept that! That's actually quite a nice result. Don't cross a boundary or entice her to. - that's sleazy.
I'd like to point out that we have no idea how she feels about you. She may not have feelings for you like you have for her. Telling her now while she's in a relationship might turn her off on you and your motivations and lack of class. That would be a backfire in my mind.
Let's say you become good friends. Their relationship doesn't last. You spend time with her and your other friends together while she heals from the break up. Be there for her. Then and only then can you tell her that you have feelings for her (if you still do by then). But also, don't begin to have any expectations that she somehow Owes You and has to have feeing back for you because you've been her friend. That's entitled bullshit and it's gross.
It's a platitude. He probably heard it in a movie. Ignore it.
It's a platitude. He probably heard it in a movie. Ignore it.