Closing the Orgasm Gap – Pleasure for All

Posted in   Blog, The MamaSutra   on  October 2, 2023 by  The MamaSutra minutes remaining

Today, we’re diving into a topic women share in whispers to their girlfriends: the orgasm gap. Well, women don’t call it that, but not having orgasms and/or faking it is a real thing. So today we’re talking about closing the orgasm gap. And I’m talking about pleasure equality and making sure everyone gets their fair share of satisfaction.

Rethinking Pleasure in Relationships

It’s fascinating how partnered experiences in the bedroom often sound like separate worlds. On the one hand, it seems men have always been thought of as the ones to reach that mind-blowing climax effortlessly, while women’s pleasure has often taken a backseat (if it’s even in the car!). But let me tell you, this situation is overdue for a redo.

So, why does this orgasm gap exist? It’s often not simple biology – it’s about how we approach sex and intimacy. If fireworks aren’t happening for you, it’s time to look closely at the root causes. One of them is the lack of attention to our own (and sometimes, our partner’s) desires.

Imagine this: you’re at a cozy restaurant, and the menu only offers a few dishes. Now, think of sex like that restaurant menu. We all deserve a big buffet of pleasure options to savor and enjoy, not just a rushed main course. I want you to stop and think – really think critically about how you AND your partner deserve to explore exciting, satisfying experiences. Not just one person in the relationship.

Beyond the Bedroom: The Emotional Aspect

And it’s not just about physical pleasure. Emotional connection plays a massive role, too. Some people feel disconnected and cannot even get to those intimate moments. Why? Too often, they’re not getting what they need emotionally. It’s like going to that restaurant and realizing it doesn’t even serve your favorite dish. We deserve emotional nourishment just as much as we desire physical satisfaction.

The Power of Non-Sexual Touch

Let’s not forget the power of non-sexual touch in nurturing connections. Hugs, cuddles, holding hands – these seemingly simple gestures can create profound bonds between partners. They speak a language of care and compassion that words often can’t (And do NOT manipulate by using these actions to get sex/intercourse. That’s just *thumbs down*). Incorporating non-sexual touch into your relationship can be a fantastic way to bridge any emotional gaps and reignite intimacy. Remember, it’s about growing a connection beyond the bedroom, built on trust, mutual understanding, and the beauty of human touch.

Let’s Bridge that Gap!

So, let’s close that orgasm gap together, emotionally and physically. It starts with communication – openly sharing your desires, fantasies, and preferences with your partner. It’s about embracing pleasure as a priority, not just for one of you but for everyone involved. We’re rewriting the narrative, one climax at a time, to make sure that everyone experiences pleasure to the fullest.



Stay tuned for more insights, tips, and stories as we journey toward closing the orgasm gap and embracing pleasure for all. In the meantime, if you’re struggling with that “openly sharing” part, let’s jump on a call. Until then, remember that your desires deserve to be celebrated, cherished, and fulfilled!

About the Author The MamaSutra

Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on

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