Fearless in Bed – Embracing Your Desires

Posted in   Blog, Dr. Lanae, The MamaSutra   on  October 2, 2023 by  The MamaSutra minutes remaining

Today, let’s dive into the world of sexual desires and the fears that sometimes hold us back. We must break down those barriers and unleash the power of owning our desires.

Facing the Fear: Hesitation and Uncertainty

Have you ever hesitated to share your deepest sexual fantasies because you were worried about your partner’s reaction? Ugh! It’s so darn hard when you’re unsure. And it is totally understandable why you might feel this way. Where in your life would you ever learn or get this experience?? Okay, that said, it’s time to leave that fear behind! Healthy relationships are built on trust, open communication, and mutual understanding.

The Mental Barricade: When Fear Holds Us Back

It’s time to admit something – we all have desires, preferences, and maybe even fantasies that make us unique. But sometimes, we let fear hold us back from expressing these things. What if they think it’s too much? What if it changes how they see us? What if it grosses them out?? These worries can create a mental barricade that keeps us from fully embracing our desires.

Taking the Plunge: The Pool Analogy

Imagine standing at the edge of a swimming pool, afraid to take the plunge. Now, think of your desires like that pool. The water represents a world of pleasure, exploration, and fulfillment. But fear keeps you on the sidelines, missing out on an opportunity to fully immerse yourself.

Communication: The Golden Key

Here’s the truth. Your desires are valid, and they deserve to be acknowledged. Yeah, I said it – ACKNOWLEDGED. Note this is different from encouraged (though it’s also great to get that right out of the starting gate). Communication is the key to unlocking this realm of pleasure. Being able to give direction without feeling bad about it feels fantastic! Having an open conversation with your partner can be liberating. It can lead to discovering shared fantasies, surprising turn-ons, and a deeper connection built on vulnerability.

A Coachella for Desires: Shared Passions & Safe Spaces

Think about this: You’re at Coachella, surrounded by people who share your passion for a specific genre. Similarly, sharing your desires with your partner creates a sense of unity and shared adventure. It’s about discovering new ways to enjoy intimacy and create a safe space where everyone’s comfort and pleasure are prioritized. (The music festival example is appropriate because it can also be a safe space to embody non-sexual intimacy!)

Tips for Self-Acceptance and Open Dialogue

So, how do you navigate this journey of embracing your desires? Another tip is self-acceptance. Recognize that your desires are a part of who you are, and they’re nothing to be ashamed of. From there, initiate an open dialogue with your partner, where you both have the freedom to express what turns you on, what excites you, what turns you off, and what sparks your curiosity. Sometimes, knowing our “No”s can give us access to more Yes!

Wrapping Up: The Journey Ahead

Remember, it’s a journey of discovery, growth, and empowerment. Embracing your desires isn’t about pushing beyond your boundaries but about understanding that you deserve to experience pleasure and fulfillment. You deserve a space where your authentic self is celebrated.

Stay tuned as we continue our journey toward fearlessly embracing our desires and rewriting the narrative of pleasure and connection. Until then, take a deep breath, let go of fear, and step into a world where your desires are valued and cherished.



P.S. Open conversations and uncovering desires is hard work… and precisely the thing I help my clients with. If you need help with this, let’s talk.

About the Author The MamaSutra

Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on themamasutra.com.

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