Navigating Desire Discovery – When You’re Not Quite Sure

Posted in   Dr. Lanae, Sex Ed 101, Sexual Health   on  October 8, 2023 by  The MamaSutra minutes remaining

Today’s topic gets overlooked a lot in the world of desire: what to do when you’re not quite sure what you want. How does someone explore this journey of self-discovery and empower themselves even when the path isn’t crystal clear? Let’s take a look.

Imagine this: you’re on a travel adventure, and the itinerary you’ve been given has a few blank spaces. Those spaces represent the areas of your desires that you might not have fully explored yet. Do you feel nervous or excited about that open space? If you’re unsure what you would even do with that space, you’re not alone; so many individuals find themselves in this same boat, and it’s okay to navigate the unknown.

In a world that tells us to “ask for what you want,” it can feel frustrating when you’re not even sure where to begin. Maybe you’ve grown to dread the dreaded question, “Tell me, what do you want?” Here’s the truth: discovering your desires isn’t always as straightforward as checking off a list. Sometimes, figuring out what you don’t want can be just as important as knowing what you do want.

Let’s say you’re decluttering your living space, Marie Kondo style. Each item you let go of creates more room for what truly matters. Similarly, identifying what doesn’t resonate with you can help you create space for exploring the desires that align with your authentic self.

So, how do you navigate this journey of desire discovery when you’re not quite sure? Start by embracing curiosity. Give yourself permission to explore new experiences, try different things, and pay attention to what sparks your interest and what falls flat. Remember that these things you like don’t have to be sexual things! Remember, your desires are unique to you and don’t have to fit a specific mold.

And here’s a spoiler alert: your desires might change and evolve over time. That’s okay! Embrace the messiness of your desires and allow yourself the freedom to grow and explore.

Remember, discovering your desires is an ongoing process, and there’s no rush. As you navigate this path, celebrate your progress and give yourself permission to be curious, experimental, and open-minded.

Stay tuned for more insights and discussions as we explore the world of desires, pleasure, and empowerment. You’re on a beautiful journey of self-discovery; every step you take is a testament to your growth and authenticity.


P.S. I’m here to guide you if you need help with your desire discovery journey. Let’s connect and explore how you can navigate this path with confidence and joy.

About the Author The MamaSutra

Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on

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