Are You In A Relationship With A Pinball Wizard?

Posted in   Blog, The MamaSutra   on  September 15, 2011 by  Lanae minutes remaining

Hand on the flipper buttons of a pinball machineAre you in a relationship with a pinball wizard? Do you wish you were?

Before you answer, let me give you my definition. I’m not referring to someone who is a big fan of arcade games. I’m talking about someone who knows how to push all of your buttons – the good ones – to the point where you “tilt”.

I would add to John Mayer’s view of a woman’s body as “a Wonderland”. It could also be a playground, a buffet, or in this case, a pinball machine.

No matter what the analogy you want to work with, think of the keys to Good Sex this way: education, communication and exploration.

I am a firm believer in a womxn knowing her own body. This takes time, practice, confidence, and sometimes a lot of patience. It is very important for each of us to be familiar with the ways we like to be touched; How to be touched, where to be touched, and how much pressure is required for this touch but most importantly how we don’t like to be touched. I also know anecdotally that this type of self-discovery happens for womxn most often in their thirties and forties. I personally believe that the reason for this delayed self-discovery has less to do with biology and more to do with our society, American culture, and socialization as womxn.

Don’t get me wrong: you should not rely on another person to “give” you an orgasm. But if you are fortunate to have a partner who is open to taking your direction (this means you must communicate what you like), and you are comfortable enough with this person to share your wants and needs and desires, then you are one lucky womxn. Your sexual self-knowledge helps your partner become your very own personal Pinball Wizard.

A lot of people enjoy the audio and visual stimulation of the pinball machine while they are playing. You know you are scoring points when you hear the bells and the ding ding ding – these are audible reinforcements of a job well done. And just like a pinball machine, giving audible reinforcement can be encouraging (or the lack thereof, discouraging). Keep in mind, communication doesn’t always have to be words, just a simple sigh, or gasp, or squeal lets your partner know they are pleasing you as much as “ooh baby, right there.” There’s already plenty of visual stimulation in sexual, intimate encounters. If you have a hard time with your own body and you might not like to see yourself naked (if yes, read this), please keep in mind: when your partner sees you naked they are most likely thinking they won the Lottery.

Michael Castelman wrote on

Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse.

This bears repeating: Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse-no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man’s penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.

To me, to put this knowledge in to action, means less focus on penile/vaginal penetration, and more focus on all of the other fun stuff: masturbation, mutual masturbation, oral, introducing toys into your play, etc.

This sexual knowledge goes both ways. You can rack up a lot of points by learning tips and tricks to make you a Pinball Wizard yourself. For those of you partnered with male bodied partners, this would include combination hand/tongue work on the penis, Nipple stimulation (yes, men too), lingam massage (aka hand jobs) and prostate massage. Prostate massage, when done correctly, can elicit sounds not heard in the natural world and provide a completely different type of orgasm for him. Be warned, this is a sure fire way to earn “extra balls”.

Back to the original question “are you in a relationship with a pinball wizard?” Now do you wish you were? 🙂 Have fun learning together!

Copyright 2011 The MamaSutra

About the Author Lanae

Dr. Lanae St.John is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology and certified sex coach with a background in sexology and a passion for helping people improve their sexual health and relationships. She is the author of "Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"" and the upcoming "You Are the One: How stopping the search and looking inside will lead you to your romantic destiny," and is committed to staying up-to-date on the latest research and trends in the field. Dr. St.John aims to share her knowledge and expertise in a relatable and approachable way through her blog on

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